The yearly trash round-up happened a few weeks ago. Considering how much garbage was once piled on our land, we will be picking up debris for years to come. I decided to make a story for some of the pieces of trash that came out of the ground this time. Hold on to your pants because this is going to be epic! Epically weird? Perhaps.
Aliens Fear Milk-Addled Cows
There was once a cow with one leg. Like most cows, she used to have four.
Back in her wild days of bovine college, she had stumbled home from a long night of boozing on milk and tripped over a machete. Actually … she may have tripped several times. The town was shocked by this tragedy and made her their mascot.
Early one New Year’s Eve, a man driving a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport decided to visit this town. He was so distracted to see a cow with one leg hopping down the street that he lost control and smashed into a laundry mat.
His car crumpled like a tissue in flu season. One purple wheel detached and went bouncing down the road.
A bunch of little girls were playing in the city park pretending to be car saleswomen. They were just putting on their bow ties when the tire narrowly missed them.
Instead it crushed their ‘Deluxe High-Pressure Sales Coffee Cup Set’. The girls rushed from the park to consult the sales manager (i.e. mum).
They ran back home, but their mum was busy playing a competitive game of badminton with her Steampunk book club.
After trouncing the other team, she stopped to drink some spinach & absinthe smoothie from her water bottle. This Victorian cocktail was touted to cure everything from crooked mustaches to dull cuticles.
As she gulped down the last drop of her green elixir, she spotted an alien blob ship streaking across the sky.
She put on her driving coat to investigate. How did those Lego’s get in the pocket?
Before she could leave the house, there was an enormous explosion. The town mascot had been boozing on milk again and decided to launch a huge firework to start the New Year’s Eve party early. The aerial rocket had stuck the blob ship.
The alien blob ship crashed into the marina sending up an enormous wave which lifted a Geoduck trawler and hurled it down Main Street.
The trawler screeched past the laundry mat and city park and then ran a red light and sideswiped a rusty Dodge truck.
The heavy steel Dodge bumper broke loose and knocked over a man who was carrying a plate of peas and sausage for his lunch.
He dropped his plate whereupon it shattered and peas went everywhere.
Some of the peas splattered onto UFO wreckage, painting it green.
Other peas rolled under the wheels of a power chair being driven by the one legged cow. The wheels become stuck and the battery pack died.
That was okay with the cow, as she lived near the boat marina and was just going back for her coat as she was late for her book club.
Rather anticlimactic, wasn’t it?